Homeland Farm

Homeland Farm

Friday, August 31, 2012

Bad Girls, Bad Girls, whatcha gonna do??

     Once again, it is Labor Day weekend, and I am wondering where our summer went. I really  believe that the older you get, the faster time flies. Seems like it was just the 4th of July, and now here we are on the verge of September. We were in the parade this year, with a float representing my daughters animal rescue. We managed to pull off  the "Judges Choice" prize, not bad for about 2 hours work. In the past, we have merely been parade watchers, blending in with the rest of the crowd. Except,  of course, for that one notable year..the one year Zenya and I almost got arrested.
     Now I wish I could say it was Zenya's fault, but alas, it was mine. Oddly enough, I think that was the last year she accompanied me to the parade. Weird. I thought we had fun. Funny how something "fun" in one person's eyes could be seen as illegal in another persons eyes.
      It all started innocently enough. I was planning on taking my kids to the parade with the rest of the family, and invited Zenya to ride along with us. My mother decided to go early to get a good spot for parade viewing, so the kids went downtown with her. So I packed up the car, and picked up Zenya. You might be wondering what I "packed up" to go to the parade with, thinking maybe a chair or a cooler or something. Oh no. I packed up the back end of my van with about 40 dozen eggs. Never mind that it was July. A HOT July. I just knew I had to get those eggs sold, as my new pullets were working over time on egg production and we were pretty darn sick of egg recipes. Besides, I had my "Hawking and Peddling" license, so by Gorry, I was gonna go down and Hawk. I just knew Zenya would be up for the  challenge, as that's the type of gal she is. (See previous blog about hauling calves in the car).
        So, I picked her up and we drove downtown. We found out where my family was parked, but there was no room to park " THE EGG MOBILE", so we went further down the road. We pulled into a spot, which was clearly marked NO PARKING, however, being the fourth of July, I figured no biggie. Everyone parks everywhere during the parade. So, we slid into said spot, and got out, bringing out the BIG STICK. Now, let me tell you. This was a crappy old van that had seen better days. One of the first things to go was the tailgate suspension thingies. Thus the need for the BIG STICK. We got out, opened the back of the van, and you guessed it..propped it open with the big stick. Hey! Those eggs had to be seen in order to be sold, ya know?
        We sat in our chairs, and waited for the eager crush of summer folks to come buy us out. I just felt sure everyone in town would need to have eggs for their fourth of July picnic. Doesn't everyone have deviled eggs on the fourth?? I know we did. We were just on the verge of making a boatload (van load?) of cash, I just knew it!
          We hadn't been sitting there very long when it became clear that apparently everyone already had their eggs. As it got hotter, I began to think my bright idea wasn't quite as bright as I thought. I was getting plenty of odd looks, but not a single sale. Zenya had the "I knew it look" on her face, which I am unfortunately pretty familiar with. I decided to set out a few dozen eggs, so they could be better seen, and sat back down to get ready to watch the parade.
          As I sat down, we noticed a police car cruising past us very slowly. For a moment, I thought "AHA! An egg customer", and sure enough, he pulled in front of us and parked. I said to Zenya, who had that same " I knew it" look on her face again, " I wonder if he is here for us? Maybe he wants to check out my HAWKING AND PEDDLING license.."
         We watched, as the officer got slowly out of his car, pad in hand. "Oh man, he's coming this way", said Zenya. " I have my license right in the car," I said, feeling pretty confident I could "beat the rap".
          "How are you ladies today?" he asked as he strolled up to us, flipping open his note pad.
          "Fine," we said in unison, I think. I was ready for him to ask for my license, when he suddenly paused and said "so, who's car is this?"
          "It's mine," I said.
          "Do you realize you parked in a NO PARKING zone?" He asked me.
          Oh crap, I thought to myself, but I figured there was no way to try and get out of it, so I said "Yes, but I figured it was okay to park wherever you can find a spot during the parade." As I said that, I noticed a huge horsefly buzzing around us. It was weaving and bobbing, and big.
           "Well, you can't stay in this spot, even during the parade", said the policeman. I didn't reply, as I was watching that horse fly zipping around first my head, and then around the policeman. I took a swipe at it, as I heard it buzz past my head.
             I heard Zenya say, "Okay, don't worry, we'll move the car."
             I was oblivious to the conversation after that point, as I was focused on that darn fly. It was big and nasty, and I knew it would hurt like a bugger if it bit anyone. I was watching it as it suddenly landed on the officers arm. When it landed, I acted out of instinct. The next thing that happened was not of my recollection, but Zenya recalling later what happened.
           She said as that darn ole horsefly landed, she glanced at me, where I stood with a glassy eyed expression, staring at the bug. She said she watched in amazement, as I, with cat like grace and accuracy, hauled off and slapped that cop on the arm. Except, I wasn't as fast as the fly. I slapped him soundly on the arm, the smack sound resonating loudly as we all stood there, frozen in time.
          She stared at me. I stared at him, He stared at both of us. The fly, long gone. I believe I spoke first.
         "Umm...there..there was a , umm a big fly..did you see it?" praying that he had at least seen the darn thing. Zenya just sat there, and I swear held her wrists out for the cuffs. I think she was thinking about the charges that were being racked up as we sat there.."HAWKING AND PEDDLING partially cooked eggs", certainly a health code violation.."parking illegally during a holiday celebration"..and now, " assaulting a officer of the law". She said later she was wondering if her mother had enough cash on hand to provide bail for us, and also, if you are already "downtown" when you commit a crime, do they still take you "downtown?"
           The officer, looking positively dumbfounded, paused a moment, then sighed heavily. He folded up his pad, shook his head, and said.."Move your car."
           "YES SIR!" we said in unison, as I yanked out the BIG STICK, and hopped back into the car, trying to not scramble any of those eggs on our quick departure. Yep, I do believe that was the last time Zenya and I went to the parade together. Weird ain't it?