Homeland Farm

Homeland Farm

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Carmen's Country Crooning

 Well, it was probably inevitable. You know, that I would write a country song. I mean, who else is more country then this old farm gal. Of course, it would certainly be much easier to do this if I could play a note on some sort of instrument..piano..guitar...heck, banjo. But alas, all those years of clarinet never paid off for me. All I can do is write it and find someone to set 'er to music. I am pretty sure that this type of thing happens in Nashville all the time, in a land flush with young talent and pretty people. I am just not sure how often it happens in Bridgton, Maine. But get ready folks, because it is about to...                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          HOMELAND FARM


    Well, life at the farm can get mighty grim,
    sometimes with all the chores,
    we don't know where to begin
     But, for me and my kin
     there caint be no other,
     this old farm
     is as dear as our mother

    Homeland Farm, you are so fine              
    Homeland Farm, you smell like pine
    Homeland Farm, we are here to stay
    Homeland Farm, we need more hay

    Now, this old farm,
    She needs a lot of work,
   I'd get out there and help,
   but I'm learning how to twerk            

    But I send out the chillins,
    and the old man too
    They work 'til they cain't
    then they come on in fer stew

    Homeland Farm, you are so fine
    Homeland Farm, you smell like pine
    Homeland Farm, we are here to stay
    Homeland Farm, we need more hay

    Now, if ya'll stop by, and the fire is lit
    pull up a chair, and we'll teach ya how to spit
    Have a honk on my jug of Barefoot Bubbly
    You'll wanna have some more til your seeing kinda doubly

     Homeland Farm, you are so fine
     Homeland Farm, you smell like pine,
     Homeland Farm, we are here to stay
     Homeland Farm, we still need more hay
      Now, don't be surprised if we look kind of country
      Maw in her nightie, and Paw kinda grumpy
      the dogs, and the horses and the 'pacas don't care
      shoot, Maw don't even comb her hair

     So, if you wanna have some down home fun,
     stop on by, and see how it's done
     With Maw, and Paw and all the rest,
     Homeland Farm will stand the test

    THE END.
(I'm watching you Tim McGraw..I can see your
wheels turning..you and Faith go look elsewhere
for a new duet...)

Thursday, March 5, 2015

I thought I was the smart one...

     Dogs here,
     dogs there,
     and not any room for us.
     If I don't get my
     eight hours sleep,
     it makes me want to cuss.
Yes...that is my spot.

     Well, not really, but it does make me tired. Tonight is a perfect example as to why I have big old dark circles under my eyes.
      I went to bed early, as I had a Monday dialysis treatment, which is always the most grueling of the week. I usually have the most fluid to try and remove from my body on Monday, since I just had my dialysis free weekend.
       For the first part of the night, I always sleep well, since Cliffy baby doesn't usually come in for a couple hours after I have gone to bed. He seems to have the ability to stay up past, oh I dont know....7 pm. I can sprawl all out and get nice and comfy, and even when the dogs come in, I still have room.
      Ahh yes...the dogs. We had one tiny little toy poodle named Lacy for many years, She was all of 7 pounds, and we couldn't even find her when she was on the bed. When we had to put her down due to old age, we decided (well..I did) to get another dog to grow up with Liam. Yeah, thats it. She was SUPPOSED to be Liam's dog. She was going to hang out with him, go for walks in the woods with him, sleep with him.
     Well, not so much. Oh, don't get me wrong. She loves Liam. She just loves her "mom and dad" more. The very first night, I can still see her, in my minds eye, trying to stare up over the edge of the bed...questioning with her eyes whether she could sleep with us or not. Since we were in the process of housebreaking, and since she was, according to the animal shelter we got her from, a "small dog breed", we said she could sleep with us. So, she happily climbed up on the bed, and snuggled in between her mom and dad, and has been there ever since.
       Fast forward two years, to tonight. We have managed to inherit a fat, cranky Pekinese that snores like a freight train, and also an old bag of a dog, a Skiperkee mix. They both sleep in the bedroom, with Molly the Peke picking her spot FIRST, usually right next to my pillow so that train snoring is right next to my head. Biloxi May, or Maymay as we call her, sleeps on the floor or on the dog bed beside the bed. And of course, Annalee, now weighing in at 120 pounds, and 6 feet from nose to tip of the tail, still wants to squeeze in between, you guessed it, mom and dad. By the way, mom and dad haven't been able to reach each other for a good night kiss in 2 years. Now you know why.
       Back to tonight. Sleeping soundly, I was. Even after Cliffy baby came in and got in bed. Everyone was arranged nicely so I was comfy and cozy. Thank goodness for king sized beds, or that would never, ever happen.
       Suddenly, weird noises droned in my head, even over the horrendous snorting, snuffling and snoring of the Peke. Annalee had gotten off the bed, and was now sitting on the floor, staring at the half opened door. As you may remember, if you have read my blog or Facebook posts, Annalee or "The DOOB" as we call her, is a very odd dog. She was only 4 months old when we adopted her, but has always been odd. Scared of doors, scared of  her own tail (which is 3 inches at the base and very strong) banging against stuff, scared of plastic grocery bags, scared of people. She managed to have some sort of traumatic puppyhood in those first 4 months, and is actually lucky we adopted her. The rest of the litter was all waggy and friendly, and happy, and licking, but I said I wanted that timid, scared and sad looking puppy slinking around the back of the cage. So, she came home with us, and with lots of love, (until tonight) has come a long way. She very likely would have not made out as well with some other family that isn't as patient (until tonight) and understanding (until tonight) as we have been with her. But I digress.
        I wake up to see her staring at the half opened door, which of course she will not attempt to go through, even though there is room. I try to just lure her back on the bed, (yes, I was that tired), and then I told her just lay down. No go. She has a habit of "talking", low moans and groans, grunts, woofs, and weird voice like noises. I tell ya..one odd dog. So, she kept talking until I figured I had better get up and open up that door. It had become apparent she was never going to shut up, and I was never going to sleep.
       I get up, all stiff legged as is my usual these days, and look toward the door. I have a regular obstacle course in my way...dog bed, laundry basket, Biloxi, and Annalee blocking the door. So, I called her, and headed out our second exit, which goes into the bathroom and out into the living room, which is where I assumed she wanted to go. I hobble my way into the bathroom, quietly calling for her. I opened up that door, (nice and wide), and turn expecting to see her behind me. No dog.
       "Annalee!" I whisper/holler. Nothing. I stumble back towards the bedroom, saying "where are you?? The door is open..."
       I stepped back into the bedroom, and there she was..sprawled all across my side of the bed. Oh, I see. Playing Dirty. I think she is much smarter then we ever gave her credit for. I squeeze onto the edge of my (former) spot on the bed, and immediately get her in a headlock, and give her a couple "nuggies". Her tail was flailing around, tunking Cliffy on his side, as her tongue was snaking out trying to lick my face in apology, I wasn't having any of that. I grabbed her giant feet and tried my darndest to drag her butt back into the middle so I could lay back down. I managed to eek out a one and a half foot wedge of bed, and then squeezed my two and a half foot butt back into bed. Annalee is sighing happily, Molly is snoring, totally oblivious. Cliffy is back asleep, and I am wide awake. Might as well write a blog, I decided.
      Dogs, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I got my blog done, and I still have time to go back in and fight for my bedspot. Just a word of advice. When you go to an animal shelter, and you see a cute pup with the tagline.."small dog breed", be prepared. Chances are, you too will be tricked into losing your sleeping quarters in the middle of the night. I just hope this happens to someone else, so that I am not the ONLY person tricked out of her bed spot by a dog named DOOB.
"So, you getting up soon? Hello?? Hello? "