Homeland Farm

Homeland Farm

Friday, May 17, 2013

Hee Haw Homeland Farm style

     I can remember my childhood Saturday nights like they were last week. I can almost smell the sweet scent of pea beans baking in my grandmother's kitchen, and see the pan of hot yeast rolls, tops rubbed with butter, cooling on the shelf.
There would be horseradish and sliced cukes in vinegar on the table along side the yellow dairy butter and extra spoons. My grandmother never wanted to be without an extra spoon. She put extra spoons on the table for every meal.
      My grandfather sat with his back to the wall, and I sat next to him on a red, wooden stool. My grandmother sat next to me, and my uncle was across the table from my grandfather.
We would all eat and eat, and inevitably my Uncle Billy would comment about something..like the rolls weren't quite as good as they usually were, or the beans could have used a mite more salt. They were always perfect, and I always argued that they were just right.
        We would always end our meal with some homemade dessert, often a bowl of Nanny's chocolate pudding , sprinkled with sugar and covered in jersey cream. Ummmm..those were the days!
        Then I would help Nanny clean up the kitchen, and wash dishes while my Uncle would go out to the barn to check his cows, and my grandfather would go into the living room to watch the news. Fat Cass, and Heidi before her, would hang around under foot, waiting to be fed a large bowl of dog food, and maybe have a lick on a pudding dish. They say dogs shouldn't eat chocolate, but those two dogs both ate it and lived to ripe old ages.
         After supper, it was time for television, and Saturday night meant one thing...Hee Haw. My uncle and grandfather would recline in their chairs, Nanny would sit in her chair, and I would flop on the couch and we all would watch Buck, Roy and the whole Hee Haw gang. They would sing those old western songs and act out goofy sketches, and we would laugh and sing along.
          One of my favorites was the "Gloom, Despair and Agony" sketch, where they lay around and sing a song of misery. In light of the trouble I have been having with my doctor and ankle, I have written my own version of that song. Here, is "Gloom Despair and Agony" a la Homeland Farm.

  (Ahem...)

           Gloom, despair and agony on me (whoa...)
           Deep dark depression, excessive misery (whoaaa)
           If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
           Gloom, despair and agony on me.....

            My ankle has been sore for a long, long time
            My doctor said I can fix that, lets pick a date..
            I said just when are you fixing to do that??
            My doctor said 'lets see just how long you can wait..'
     
            Gloom, despair and agony on me (whoa..)
            Deep dark depression excessive misery, (whoaaaa...)
            If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
            Gloom, despair and agony on me...

             I said 'Now doc, I can't go on much longer'
             he said 'well dear, that's just too darn bad
             I have a golf game that I need to get to..'
             I said " Holy crap, now I'm getting mad!"
            
             Gloom, despair and agony on me (whoa...)
             Deep dark depression excessive misery, (whoaaa..)
             If it weren't for bad luck. I'd have no luck at all
             Gloom, despair and agony on me

             So here we are now, a whole 6 months later
             I've had every test, x-ray and cat scan
             He promised we'd do this but still hasn't done it
              I'm still a limping and can't hardly stand!
            
Resting with my doggie pals




     So, that is the end of my Hee Haw story..I'm still awaiting word on how, when, and where they plan to operate. I am not holding my breath that it will be before the end of the month however. I just hope it is all better before the 4th of July...I have my big "4 on the Fourth" road race to win...
      


   

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