Homeland Farm

Homeland Farm

Monday, February 27, 2012

The Voices in my Head

    By now, I am sure a good many of you are not the least bit surprised to hear about the voices in my head. The best part? They all talk differently. It would be one thing if the voices I was hearing was just what I think my own voice sounds like. However, and I almost hate to admit this, for fear of men in white coats speeding down Middle Ridge Road at breakneck speeds, probably alerted by a (former!) Facebook  friend, the voices all talk in different ways. This, I have come to realize, is because of my cats.  Let me explain.
      I was sitting at my computer, diligently working on my best seller to be, (or maybe playing  spades) when my son Liam and his pal Corbin walked in to see me.
      "Mom," said Liam, " we are going to go outside and play for awhile." I told him that was fine, and watched as he stopped to scratch Muffinhead behind her ears. She is our big fat black cat, and she and her pal Stewbeef spend alot of time in my office with me. I like to say they are my muses, all 40 pounds of them.
       Suddenly Liam said, "Mom, show Corbin how you do Muffinhead." Now, I knew exactly what Liam was talking about, but Corbin looked a bit ..bewildered, to be sure. I tried to change the subject, mumbling something along the lines of how Corbin doesn't want (need or care, I was thinking) to hear that.
      "Please," begged Liam. I stopped and pondered a moment, and realizing he wasn't going to leave until I "did" Muffinhead, I well.."did" Muffinhead.
      In one of the voices I keep tucked in my brain, I said to the boys, in Muffinhead-ese, "HEY! Whatcha wookin' at? Don't just stand there! Scratch my butt, come on! Scratch it!" Liam dissolved into gales of laughter, and Corbin laughed, albeit a bit nervously, as they opened the door to go out into the barn. I heard Liam say as he was closing the door, "Oh man, that was funny. She did that for like, 20 minutes the other day!"
       I did??? Oh brother. Now, I know pet owners who love their pets like family, as is the case at our house, will often talk TO their pets, perhaps in baby talk, or even in a certain tone. But, how many pet owners actually talk FOR their pets, on a daily basis, and apparently, at great length. I guess I do, and frankly, often with hysterical results. There was one day, Brogan, Cameron, Liam, Muffinhead and I were all in the kitchen together. Muffiny got up on one of the chairs, and sat there for literally half an hour while I talked "for" her. She was "scolding" each kid in her sarcastic way, and the best part was that by the time "she" got done scolding Brogan and Liam, Cameron was standing at the sink, laughing his butt off. As if she really KNEW
what I was saying, I said in her "voice"...."AND YOU! Your the worst one of all!", and darned if she didn't look right at Cameron as I said it, and hold her eyes on him the whole time I was "speaking" for her. We all laughed so darn hard, I wish we had recorded that whole event. She sat right there in that chair and glared at each kid as I spoke. It was a hoot.
      Oddly enough, the "voices" gene appears to be inherited, because Brogan does a spot on impression of me, doing my cats. It is a crazy circle..My cats use mental telepathy to tell me what to say, then I say it, then Brogan replies, BACK to me, also in a cat voice. Umm..maybe I should go easy with the word "crazy".
      What is particularly scary, and again, I am almost afraid to say this, is when Muffinhead or Stewbeef "say " something,......and aren't even there. Yikes. That happened not too long ago on a trip to Wal Mart.
        The kids and I were shopping, and as we walked past the poster display, lo and behold, there was a poster of Justin Beiber. Well, as people might remember, that happens to be one of Stewie's nicknames, sort of. We had just walked past, when I saw the poster out of the corner of my eye, and well, out came "JUSTIN BEEFER!" in Stewie's "voice."
      Brogan's eyes did that bug out thing I am getting fairly used to at this point, and she said, rather loudly I thought.." You DID NOT just say that!!"
        "No," I said, "I didn't...Stewie did." It was then I knew I had big trouble. I knew then I needed to find a support group. I have looked and looked, but with no luck. So, I started my own group. The first meeting of C.A.T.S.S. (Carmens Animal Talking Support Seminar) will be called to order this friday night. Muffinhead and Stewie will be the guest speakers. Bring catnip.


1 comment:

  1. By the way, the GIANT print is so my mother can print it out on her printer..the smaller print was working for her..I am not, at least at this point, going blind. Thank you. :D